第21章 S

A miss is as good as her smile.

SADDUCEE A person holding skeptical religious views. Hopeless, hence sad you see.

SAILOR A man who makes his living on water but never touches it on shore.

SANDWICH An unsuccessful attempt to make both ends meat.

SAUSAGE An aftermath of the dog-days.

SCAFFOLD A work of art that rarely fails to get a hanging.

SCARECROW An operator who repeatedly corners corn, without caws.

SCORCHER A chauffeur in an all-fired hurry.

SCULPTOR A poor unfortunate who makes faces and busts.

SELF-MADE Complimentary term for a respectable crook.

SHAMROCK A three-time loser as a racer at sea, but a four-time winner as an "ad." for tea--and Sir T.

SHEPHERD One who depends on a crook for a living.

SHIRT Every man's bosom friend.

SILVER A metallic form of opium, smoked by Presidential impossibilities.

SINNER A stupid person who gets found out.

SNAP A brisk, energetic quality that enables a man with ginger to take the cake.

SNORE An unfavorable report from headquarters.

SOROSIS A female gas company that lays its pipes on cultivated grounds.

SPAGHETTI A table-dish eaten only by Italians and jugglers. From Lat. spadix, branch, or fork, and gestamen, burden. A burden for the fork.

SPIDER A busy weaver and a good correspondent, who drops a line by every post.

STARS The greatest astronomers known, having studded the heavens for ages.

STAYS A sort of straight-jacket employed in reforming women.

STOCKINGS Woman's only savings for A Rainy Day.

STOCKS An unreliable commodity bought and sold by gamblers. If you win, it's an investment; if you lose, a speculation.

STOVE-PIPE A movable cylinder used as a receptacle for smoke and profanity.

SPRING Formerly a very delightful season but now obsolete except in poetry and the Old Farmer's Almanac.

SPINSTER An ember from which the sparks have flown.

SUBWAY In Boston, a place where one may enjoy continuous disturbance of the peace, disorderly conduct, assault and battery, riot and rebellion. These events are allowed by law, and the entry-fee is five cents.

SUCCESS A goal usually reached by those who employ their time in cultivating a more definite aim in life rather than in searching for a larger target.

SUMMER An oppressive and expensive season invented by rural cottage and hotel owners, railroad and steamboat companies and the Iceman.

SUN A yellow arrival from Way Down East, who goes west daily, operates a heating and lighting trust, draws water, prints pictures, develops crops, liquidates the ice business and tans skins on the side. Profits by his daily rays and always has a shine.

SYMPATHY Feeling for others very noticeable in Blind Man's Buff.

SYNDICATE A conspiracy to extend the modest business established by Captain Kidd.

Fortune knocks only once at a man's door--And she's the worst Knocker in the world.