第60章

"But no; you have understood nothing, suspected nothing.My hair, the resemblance to my mother imprinted on my face, the smile, which they tell me, passed from her lips to mine....Oh! blindest of men! how I have hated you at moments! But it does not really seem that a fatality pursues me? That hand with its iron grip fastened on my shoulder, and forcing me to prostrate myself before you, Ifeel no longer, with its nails pressing into my flesh; and yet my knees, trembling, powerless, bend under me, and again you see me fall at your feet.Yes, my poor pride is dead indeed.The thunder growled when it gave up its last breath.You remember that stormy night.Glued at the window pane, I tried to pierce the darkness with my eyes, to discern you in the midst of the tempest.All at once the heavens were ablaze, and I saw you standing upon the ledge of your window, bending proudly over the abyss, at which you seemed to hurl defiance.Enveloped in flashing light, you appeared to me like a blissful spirit, and I exclaimed to myself: 'This is one of the elect of God! I can ask of him without shame for indulgence and mercy!' And now, my Gilbert, do not presume to tell me that my love is a malady, which needs only careful attention.Oh, God! all that would be useless; the saints themselves have refused to cure me.Do not try to terrify me, either, or speak to me of insurmountable obstacles to our union; of dangers which threaten us.The future! We will talk of that hereafter.Now, I want to know but one thing; that is, if you are capable of loving me as Ilove you? Friend, if hatred can change to love, would it be impossible for friendship?...Gilbert, Gilbert, forget what the refined barbarity of my father has made of me; forget my gusts of passion, my violence, the unruliness of a badly educated child;forget the vehemence of my language, the rudeness of my actions;forget the fountain; my whip raised to you; forget those young villagers I compelled to kiss my feet; forget even the cap which Ithrew in your face, for, Heaven is my witness, I feel a woman's heart awakened in my bosom; it shakes off its long sleep, it stirs, it sighs, it speaks, and the first name it utters, the only one it ever wants to know, is yours!...

"What more shall I say? I would like to appear to you in your dreams decked as if for a fete: clothed in white, a smile upon my lips, pearls about my neck, around my head the flowers you love--white anemones and blue gentians.Only take care, some of the henbane flowers have slipped into my crown.Tear them from my hair yourself, lest their perfume instill a deadly poison into my heart.

But no, I do not wish to frighten you.Stephane is wise; she is reasonable; she does not ask the impossible; she gives you time to breathe; to recover yourself.Wait, if you wish it, a week, a fortnight, a month, before coming here again; until that blessed day dawns when you can say with your adored poet; 'In its turn, friendship revealed its power to my heart, and at length love, coming last, crowned it with flowers and fruit.'"To this letter Stephane added these words: "And if that day, Gilbert, if that day should never come--"But here she hesitated; her hand trembled; she looked alternately at Gilbert and the knife; then rising--"I do not know how to finish my letter," she said."You can easily supply what is lacking.But you must not read it here; carry it to your turret; you will meditate upon it there more at leisure."And at these words, having returned the paper to him, she burst into a fit of laughter.

"Again that same laugh, which I detest," said Gilbert, trying to hide the anguish which was consuming him.

"Do you want to know what it means?" said the young girl, looking him in the face."When we were at Baden-Baden, three years ago, Father Alexis had a fancy to take me to a gambling house, and in entering I heard a burst of laughter much resembling those which shock you so.'Who is laughing in that way?' said I to the good father.He found on inquiring that it was a man who had just gained enormous sums, and who was preparing to play double or quits.

"Double or quits!" added she; "to play double or quits! If Ishould lose--"

All at once her eyes dilated, and shot fire; she turned her head backward, and raising her arm towards Gilbert, she exclaimed:

"You know who I am, and you have condemned me in your heart.Ah!